The Trouble With Choices Read online

  ‘Of course you do,’ said Nick. ‘Because it’s Christmas Day and she’s your mum and she wants to see you.’

  ‘She doesn’t want to be a mum, though,’ said Min, picking up the kitten and cradling it in her lap. ‘She just wants to be a Penelope.’

  ‘I know, Minnie Mouse,’ he said with a sigh, reaching out a hand to ruffle her dark hair. ‘I know. But that doesn’t change the fact that she is your mum and she deserves to see you on Christmas Day, too. Why should I have all the fun?’

  The girl gave a theatrical sigh.

  ‘Tell you what,’ he said, ‘how about after I pick you up tonight, we head down to the beach for a swim?’

  Immediately her mood brightened. ‘Can we?’

  ‘Don’t see why not. It’ll still be Christmas Day when I pick you up, I figure we can fit another treat in before bedtime.’

  ‘Anyone for shortbread?’ said Sophie softly from the archway, not wanting to intrude but feeling guilty for eavesdropping on a private conversation.

  ‘Me!’ said Min. ‘I love shortbread.’

  39

  Beth

  The Faraday family travelled down to the beach in three cars, Dan and Lucy picking up Nan and Pop on the way, while Beth took Siena and Hannah picked up Sophie in her Subaru. The convoy bypassed the busy Horseshoe Bay where the car parks and the lawns were full, and headed for the quieter stretch of surf beach that ran all the way from Port Elliot to Victor Harbor, finding a spot on the firm white sand while the waves crashed and pounded just a few feet away. Dan put up a sunshade for Nan and Pop, a couple of umbrellas and some folding chairs, and when they joined up a few picnic rugs, they had an entire makeshift living room at their disposal.

  Nan took up residence in one of the chairs, her gaze swinging from the rocky foreshore at one end of the beach to Victor Harbor’s famous Bluff, while the women unpacked the lunch. ‘My mother caught the train with me down to Victor when I was just a girl,’ Nan said. ‘She was your great-grandmother, girls, except to Siena here,’ to whom she said, ‘she was your great-great-grandmother. Your mother’s mother’s mother’s mother, what do you think about that?’ Siena blinked at the older woman, lost in the generations of mothers when Nan had always been just that—Nan.

  ‘And then,’ Nan continued, locked in the past, ‘we waited at the station to be picked up by Mr Summerfield’s horse and dray for the trip to Encounter Bay. They had a lovely stone house near the beach, but back then, the rest of it was all paddocks.’

  ‘It’s sure not paddocks, these days,’ said Sophie, scoping out the march of the suburbs up the hill away from the beach.

  ‘How old were you, Nan?’ asked Beth.

  ‘Ooh, I must have been all of seven or eight.’

  ‘What’s a dray?’ said Siena.

  ‘It’s a wagon or a cart,’ Beth said.

  ‘And it was pulled by an old draft horse,’ said Nan. ‘Dear old thing called Thunder.’

  ‘Why didn’t they pick you up in a car?’

  ‘Nobody had cars in those days. Unless you lived in Adelaide and were very rich. The roads in the country just weren’t good enough.’

  ‘And it wasn’t just cars,’ Beth added. ‘Nobody had TVs or computers or the internet. And certainly no MasterChef.’

  ‘Yuck,’ said Siena. ‘What did people do?’

  ‘They read books or listened to the radio or they sang around the piano for entertainment.’

  ‘That’s when they weren’t working.’

  ‘They’re all gone now,’ said Nan, sounding wistful for the old days. ‘Mr and Mrs Summerfield and dear old Thunder, of course.’

  Pop snorted. ‘We’re still here. Outlived the lot of them, we have.’

  ‘Though it was touch and go there for a while,’ Nan said, ‘wasn’t it, Clarence Faraday?’

  Pop grumbled and scratched at the zipper-line scar on his chest with one hand, swiped up a piece of buttered French stick from a plate with the other and shoved it in his mouth. ‘Got to hang around for these new young’uns,’ he said between chews. ‘The next crop of Faradays is coming on thick and fast.’ He nodded as he lunged for a chicken leg and waved it in the air. ‘Got good reason to hang around.’

  They feasted on roast chicken with devilled eggs and salads, shortbread and Nan’s famous Christmas cake that no Christmas would be complete without, before they exchanged presents. Small gifts mostly, pretty stationery from Siena, homemade treats from Sophie and tinkling wind chimes made from spoons from Hannah. Beth had made crystal sun catchers for everyone to hang in a sunny window, all except for Siena that is, who was delighted to unwrap a body board. But it was the gift Beth gave Lucy and Dan that raised the most sighs of appreciation. Made of shards of tiles, mirror and mottled glass, it was a mosaic wall hanging for the nursery featuring a sliver of silvery moon with a star dangling from the top and a plump yellow teddy lying fast asleep in the curve of the moon below.

  ‘It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,’ said Lucy, pulling Beth into a huge hug. ‘You guys are the very best, you know that? I love being part of this family.’

  ‘Hey,’ said Beth, ‘we think you’re pretty cool, too.’

  Hannah agreed. ‘Especially since you managed to turn our brother into a functioning member of the human race.’

  ‘Do you mind?’ said Dan, aggrieved. ‘I am within hearing range.’

  ‘Oh, don’t worry,’ said Lucy, with a grin towards her still-new husband. ‘Dan’s a fully functioning member of the human race. I can swear to that.’

  Dan just put his head in his hands and groaned, making the girls laugh. Dan then decided it was time to take Nan, Pop and Siena off in search of bathrooms and hopefully ice-creams, leaving the four sisters to soak up the sun by themselves.

  Hannah watched them leave. ‘Nan and Pop seem to have taken news of these babies of yours remarkably well, Soph. Sounds like they’re looking forward to the birth as much as they’re looking forward to Lucy and Dan’s.’

  ‘They need something to look forward to at their age,’ said Beth. ‘Why wouldn’t they get used to the idea?’

  ‘True,’ Sophie said, ‘but there’s another reason they’re not as upset as you might think. Something Nan shared with me. I know she won’t mind me telling you guys.’ And she told them the story Nan had confided in her, of a young woman and a handsome man and one night with consequences.

  ‘Poor Nan,’ said Beth. ‘How unfair, to be forced into marriage like that.’

  ‘And yet none of us would be here if it hadn’t happened.’

  ‘I know, it just all seems so wrong to be trapped that way.’

  ‘Women didn’t have a choice back then, though, did they? They couldn’t work, not with a baby. And without a husband to support them, there was no way they’d be able to look after themselves and a child.’

  The four women lay on their towels on the sand, looking up at the endless blue sky through dark glasses, thinking about families and secrets and skeletons rattling in the closet, while the waves rolled and crashed in the way they’d always done. And it seemed that suddenly everything had shifted somehow, so it was the same but different.

  ‘I just can’t believe we never worked it out ourselves,’ said Sophie. ‘We all knew Nan and Pop’s anniversary was in August. And we always celebrated Dad’s birthday in February. How is it that we never put the two together?’

  ‘I guess we never thought about the actual years,’ said Beth. ‘Not back before Dad died, and that’s nearly twelve years ago, now. We would have been too young to think about it back then, let alone make something of it.’

  ‘And nobody else made a big deal of it,’ Sophie added. ‘It was just there all the time, hiding in plain sight.’

  Lucy idly stroked her twenty-two-week belly that was still little more than a slight curve. ‘There can’t be too many families that have spotless histories,’ she said. ‘But nobody’s going to advertise the spots, are they? And most children and grandchildren will assume that thei
r parents and grandparents fell in love and got married and had babies in the right order, and everyone’s happy to let them.’

  ‘We sure did,’ said Beth. And then added with a chuckle, ‘God, you don’t think it runs in the family?’

  ‘How do you mean?’ said Lucy.

  ‘Well, me having Siena for a start, and now Sophie getting pregnant, too.’

  ‘And Lucy got a head start,’ added Sophie, earning a grin from Lucy.

  ‘Yup,’ she said, patting her tummy, ‘sure did.’

  ‘You’d better watch out, Han,’ joked Beth. ‘You’ll be next.’

  Hannah sprang to her feet, wiping sand from her legs. ‘I’m going for another dip.’

  Beth watched her sister’s back as she marched purposefully down towards the waves between the walkers and kids building sand castles, and looked sideways at Sophie and Lucy. ‘What’s wrong with Han?’

  ‘Probably just afraid of being left on the shelf,’ said Sophie, sitting up.

  ‘You mean the shelf she’s padlocked herself to?’

  They all watched the eldest-by-ten-minutes Faraday sister being embraced by the crashing waves and foam.

  ‘So, she just hasn’t met the right guy yet,’ said Lucy.

  ‘Hey, this is Han we’re talking about,’ said Beth. ‘Her right guy doesn’t exist.’

  Sophie snorted and slapped at a fly on her elbow. ‘Or he better have four legs.’

  They heard Siena whoop behind them. ‘We found ice-creams,’ she said, running across the sand. ‘Drumsticks.’

  ‘Excellent,’ said Sophie, patting the space beside her on the blanket. ‘Come and sit down next to your favourite aunty.’

  40

  Hannah

  Hannah was lying on her beach towel, everyone else dozing, while the thoughts in her mind tumbled over and over. Why hadn’t she told them, the people closest to her, what had happened to her? Why, when Nan and Beth and Sophie and even Lucy, had all experienced unplanned pregnancies? Why, when she had never had a better opportunity to share?

  But the answer kept coming back the same, so she kept repeating the question, while the slot-machine windows rolled again and again, still coming up the same.

  She didn’t want their pity. She’d gone so long holding her secret close to her, she didn’t know if she could reveal it. Unless she was as old as Nan and it didn’t matter anymore. Yes, she could do that. When it didn’t matter anymore. When everyone her age around her had long ago stopped having babies and she could dote on their grandchildren instead.

  Her phone buzzed. She seized on it and read the message, feeling the welcome smile on her lips. ‘I have to go,’ she said, springing up to dust off the sand and pull on her beach cover-up.

  ‘What? Seriously, who would bother someone on Christmas Day?’ asked Sophie, lifting her head up.

  Hannah shrugged. ‘Sophie, you’ll have to get a lift back with Beth, sorry.’

  Beth lifted her sunglasses and peered suspiciously at her. ‘You don’t look too cut up about being called in. You’re smiling.’

  ‘It’s been a great day,’ she said, immediately dropping the telltale smile.

  ‘It’s the best Christmas ever,’ declared Siena. ‘I don’t ever want to go home.’

  Hannah could let herself smile at that. ‘Anyway, I really need to get out of the sun. I’m burning up here.’

  Beth let her sunglasses drop back down with a sigh. ‘Such a shame, though. There was me thinking you must have a hot date or something. A secret Santa you’re not telling us about.’

  Hannah tried to laugh, and hoped it didn’t sound too brittle and false. If only they knew … ‘Yeah, right.’ She stuffed her things in her beach bag, gave a quick kiss to both Nan and Pop, who were softly snoring in their beach chairs, and waved her goodbyes to the rest.

  She felt a little stab of guilt that she hadn’t been entirely open with her family, but she was still getting used to the idea of having a lover herself, without sharing her secret with all and sundry. She didn’t want her family probing and prodding for information. She didn’t want them offering opinions and advice and making long-term plans, not when Declan had come out of a failed relationship and was hardly likely to jump into another.

  So she wasn’t being unreasonable. She was just being cautious. Wise.

  41

  Sophie

  Sophie was inclined to agree with Siena; their untraditional Christmas was proving to be a huge success. After Hannah left, they played in the waves some more, before Dan suggested a game of Rounders. Pop was keen to umpire and Sophie was happy to let everyone else exercise while she plonked herself dripping wet in the sun with a still-dozing Nan.

  ‘Soph, you awake?’

  Sophie cracked open one eyelid and held up a hand to shield her eyes against the sun. ‘Dan?’

  ‘Yeah, you got a minute?’

  ‘I thought you were playing Rounders.’

  ‘Everyone’s having a cool-off.’

  She looked up and saw them all in the surf, Lucy standing next to Beth, who was holding onto Siena on her new body board waiting for a wave, and Pop, holding up the legs of his shorts while he paddled in the shallows. ‘I’m supposed to be looking after Nan.’

  ‘She’s asleep. Come on, this won’t take a minute.’

  Sophie looked across at her nan, who was sitting with her head to one side and her mouth open, still snoring. Yeah, she was out for the count all right. ‘Okay,’ she said, mildly curious as she got to her feet. ‘What’s on your mind, big bro?’

  He led her down towards the shore, where the waves crashed and turned to foam that lapped at their feet as they walked in the shallows. Before them in the distance sprawled Victor Harbor, ending with the mountainous Bluff that fell abruptly into the sea.

  ‘Nick asked me to talk to you. I didn’t do anything before, I wanted to stay out of it, but given we’re here …’

  Wet sand squeezed between her toes while aggravation lapped at her brain. Nick had gone bleating to her brother? ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Nick. He feels like he’s being cut out of this whole baby thing.’

  ‘He told you that?’

  ‘Well, I am his friend—and your brother.’

  Any warm feelings she’d had for Nick about hand holding at scans and gifts of kittens evaporated in that moment. ‘He’s got a bloody nerve.’

  ‘He is the father of these babies, isn’t he?’

  ‘Of course he is. So?’

  ‘So he has responsibilities. He wants to be involved.’

  She scowled across at him. ‘Nick came to my twelve-week scan. Did he tell you that? I’ve agreed to keep him informed. What more does he want?’

  Her brother shook his head. ‘I didn’t realise. That’s good. Sorry, Soph, maybe I shouldn’t say any more.’

  ‘Maybe you shouldn’t.’ She kicked at the lapping water. ‘And then maybe you should. What else did he say?’

  ‘Sophie—’

  ‘No, Dan. Spill. What else was Nick banging on about? What else does he want?’

  Her brother rubbed the back of his neck, and she had a pretty good idea it wasn’t sunburn making him uncomfortable. ‘He wants to help.’

  ‘Really? He’s got a funny way of showing it.’

  ‘Sophie, try to see it from his point of view. He’s not shying away from his responsibilities, he’s stepping up to them. He wants to be part of what’s happening. He wants to be a father to these babies.’

  She held up one hand. ‘Look, Dan, it’s really nice of you to look out for your friend, but it’s not that easy.’

  ‘Nobody said it was going to be easy. But if you don’t mind hearing my opinion, you don’t have to go making it more difficult than it has to be.’

  She stopped, her feet being sucked deeper by the ebb and flow of the waves like she was being sucked deeper into a place she didn’t want to go. ‘You set him on me that night, didn’t you? You set your watchdog onto me, only to have it backfire, big time. T
hat’s what you’re worried about. Because whatever happened that night, you had a hand in it. That’s why you’re taking his side. Because you feel guilty and you think you owe him.’

  ‘That’s utter bullshit, Soph. I’m not wearing that and I’m not responsible for you getting banged up. I asked him to look after you and after that it was you and Nick who decided what to do next. And now, you guys have to sort it out for yourselves. Nick is trying to. I can’t see that you’re doing a lot to help.’

  ‘It was a one-night stand. It didn’t mean anything.’

  ‘Great,’ he said, rolling his eyes towards the clear blue sky. ‘Because a big brother really needs to hear that.’

  ‘Maybe you do. So you understand where I’m coming from and why I want to do this by myself.’

  ‘Can’t you understand where Nick’s coming from? Have you thought about why he cares so much?’

  ‘Because he’s a control freak? I don’t know.’

  ‘No. Because these are his babies we’re talking about, Sophie, his flesh and blood, just as much as they’re yours. And Nick knows what having a child means. He could have turned his back and walked away, but no, he stepped up to the plate because he knows what it is to be a father. If you don’t get that, then maybe you don’t have any concept of what having a child really is and maybe you’re not ready to be a mother.’

  ‘How dare you!’

  ‘I dare because I’m your brother. So stop being so selfish. Don’t shut Nick out, and don’t throw him breadcrumbs and expect him to be satisfied with that. He doesn’t deserve it. Think about it, and talk to him and work out something that’s fair and that’s going to go some way to satisfy you both.’

  Sophie wanted to tell her brother where to go. To tell him that he was wrong and that it was none of his business and she’d decide what was right for her babies, but she didn’t get a chance, because between the rolling thunder of the waves she was sure she heard someone calling.

  She turned to see Beth waving frantically in the distance, surprised when she realised how far they’d walked. ‘Something’s wrong,’ she said. ‘We better get back.’