The Trouble With Choices Page 26

  Her babies.

  So, this was motherhood? She’d always wanted to be a mother someday, but nobody had told her it started so early, long before your babies were born. She didn’t know what was in store. She was nervous about the whole birth thing and how that would go—whether it would hurt or whether she’d need a caesarean because she was having twins—but she knew she would do the very best she could for them. She’d be the best mother she could be.

  And she wondered, as she drifted off to sleep with her hands still cradling her motion-filled belly, how she could ever have wished them away?

  Sophie knew such things existed, of course, but she’d never actually ventured inside a baby goods shop. Only it wasn’t a shop, it was an entire warehouse. On one side there was a huge section for prams, while behind it lay a section for cots and bassinets, and the other was filled with baby clothes. What looked like acres and acres of baby clothes. From speakers all around came the sound of music, happy, boppy music, interspersed with the business’s ads and specials, and there was a signpost directing customers to sections further back for toys, car seats, manchester and bathing needs, and, to top it all off, a cafe.

  ‘Right,’ said Nick, a list of requirements he’d printed out from the internet in his hand. ‘Where shall we start?’

  Sophie was exhausted already. ‘At the cafe?’ she suggested, only half joking as she looked at the length of his list. ‘We don’t have to get everything on that list today, do we?’

  ‘I know,’ he said, ‘it’s daunting, but you see now why I wanted to tackle this sooner rather than later. At least we can check out what we like and arrange to have it delivered down the track.’

  ‘I guess,’ she conceded, as she glumly surveyed the warehouse filled with dozens of happy couples and women with bumps and more baby gear than she’d ever seen. And they needed two cots, two bassinets, two of just about every damn thing. Nick might have been right about her flat being too small, after all, and that made her glummer still, because at some stage she needed to get back into her own space.

  It took the best part of two hours simply to check out and make some decisions about bassinets and cots and a change table—Sophie was adamant just one of those would do—before they moved on to manchester for a few basics and found themselves staring at prams, by which time Sophie’s feet were killing her. Nick noticed her flagging and sat her down at the cafe, bringing a pot of tea and scones.

  ‘I’m sorry, this was too much to do in one day.’

  ‘No, you were right, I’m glad we came. I had no idea how much choice there was.’ He poured them both a cup as Sophie asked, ‘How much more do you think we need to look at?’

  ‘We’ve seen enough. I think you need some looking after. We can take a catalogue and order the rest online if you like.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she said, sprawled back in her seat with her legs out, relieved beyond measure. ‘I think I like.’

  He smiled as he passed her the tea, and Sophie saw a flash of humour in his eyes.

  ‘Are you laughing at me?’ she said. ‘Do I look that ridiculous?’

  He broke open a scone and loaded it up with raspberry jam and cream and sent that her way, too, his lips still curved. ‘You look adorable.’

  ‘I look like a beach ball, more like it,’ she said, pushing herself back in her seat so she could tackle the scone, because two hours of baby-equipment shopping sure left a girl with an appetite.

  ‘An adorable beach ball, then,’ he countered.

  ‘Fine,’ she said, trying to dredge up some remnant of grudge against the man, liking being looked after but telling herself he was only doing so because of the babies. He was only being polite. The smiles and the banter didn’t mean anything. ‘Just don’t go sticking any pins in me and we’ll stay friends.’

  He chuckled as he bit into his own scone, and she was reminded of his laughter while they’d been sitting waiting for her scan. It had taken her by surprise then, too, because it was a side of him she’d never seen before, and damn him to hell and back, she liked this unexpected playful side to him. She liked it very much.

  ‘Expecting twins?’ the middle-aged shop assistant asked unnecessarily while she totted up the order of two of almost everything on the cash register. She looked over the few small items of manchester, the sheets and then wraps and bunny rugs they’d loaded in their trolley, and all in whites and pastel shades that didn’t include blue or pink. ‘And not sure of the sex, right?’

  Sophie and Nick exchanged glances over their self-appointed Sherlock.

  ‘Why spoil the surprise?’ said Nick.

  ‘My thoughts exactly,’ the assistant asserted with a knowing smile. ‘After all, it’s not like you’ll be having kittens.’

  ‘No,’ said Nick deadpan. ‘We’ve already had those.’

  ‘Did you see her face?’ Sophie had made it all the way to the car before she couldn’t contain it any longer and collapsed into a fit of giggles. ‘After all,’ she mimicked, in the woman’s all-knowing tones, ‘it’s not like you’ll be having kittens.’ She laughed so much she snorted.

  Nick chuckled as he climbed into the driver’s seat. ‘You liked that, eh?’

  She nodded, tears squeezing from her eyes. ‘Especially when you said, “Six of the damned things. We’re so relieved this time there’s only two.”’ She collapsed into another fit of laughter. ‘You should never have told her these would go the same way if they didn’t behave. You should never have told her you’d sell them on eBay and if you do, will they accept returns.’

  ‘A bit much?’

  ‘She’s probably calling Family Services right now.’

  He fired up the engine and smiled as he looked over at her. She looked at him still laughing, with tears streaming down her cheeks, and something snagged and pulled tight in the space between them. The laughter died in her mouth and the only sound in the car was her ragged breathing. She licked her lips and looked down at her lap, busying her hands with smoothing her tunic over her bump, while her blood fizzed in her veins and she wondered what had just happened.

  Oh no.

  No, nothing was happening.

  She turned her head to look out her window, trying to calm the mad beat of her heart. She wouldn’t let it.

  55

  Hannah

  ‘So, how’s it going with Nick?’ Hannah asked when she dropped by after work one evening during the week. She perched her bum up on the kitchen counter and helped herself to a Golden Delicious apple from the fruit bowl. ‘Mmm,’ she said, looking approvingly at the apple as she started munching.

  ‘They’re good, aren’t they,’ agreed Sophie. ‘Picked fresh this morning. Nick brought them in at lunchtime.’

  ‘Very good. So, you have a man who supplies you with apples picked fresh from the tree? Clearly this trial is going well.’

  ‘Oh, it’s okay, I guess,’ Sophie said, ‘I’m settling in.’

  ‘You haven’t fallen in love with him yet?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Wow,’ Hannah said, her eyes narrowing. ‘Do you need time to think about that? Only you seem pretty emphatic.’

  ‘There’s nothing going on, no.’

  ‘There you go, Beth and I told you that you were worrying about nothing.’ She crunched into the apple again, the crispy sweetness the perfect summer treat.

  Sophie rolled her eyes. ‘Is there a reason you dropped by, Han, other than to ask after my love-life, or lack thereof?’

  Hannah laughed. ‘There is actually. I was wondering if Nick could help me out with any windfalls. Only the local wildlife park would love some fresh produce. I dropped by Dan’s before and he’s already agreed to help, and seeing as they’ll take as much as we can supply, I figured, since I was in the neighbourhood, I’d ask Nick.’

  Sophie shrugged as she looked at the clock. ‘He’s still out in the orchard picking, but I can’t see he’d have a problem with it.’

  ‘Yeah? Tell him I’m happy to come collect them myself. Sun
day morning would be good for me.’

  ‘I could give you a hand, if you like.’

  ‘Sure, you can help by picking apples off the ground,’ Hannah said as she jumped off the counter and flicked her apple core into the bin. ‘I’d give you about ten minutes of stoop labour before you’d collapse in a heap and we have to call an ambulance. How is the blood pressure going, anyway? Seen the doctor lately?’

  ‘I’ve got an appointment next week. I feel fine, though, most of the time.’

  ‘Most of the time?’

  ‘Just the usual stuff. A bit dizzy if I get out of bed too quickly, that’s all. And big. I’m starting to feel huge.’

  ‘Ha,’ Hannah laughed, looking at Sophie’s growing baby bump, ‘there’s a reason for that.’

  Sophie scowled at her, suddenly. ‘Is something up with you?’

  ‘Me? Why?’

  ‘You seem different somehow. Happy.’

  ‘I’m always happy.’

  ‘No, you’re not,’ said Sophie. ‘You’re the sensible older sister, remember. The one who delights in telling her younger sisters off when they step out of line. Only for some reason you look happy all of a sudden.’

  ‘That is such a crock, little sister.’

  ‘Ah,’ said Sophie, as she walked her sister out to the car, ‘that’s more like it.’ And Hannah snorted.

  ‘Have you heard anything about how Nan’s going?’ Sophie asked. ‘I haven’t seen her the last few days.’

  ‘Good as gold, from all reports,’ Hannah said. ‘Pop said she’s been great. Not a hint of wandering or anything untoward.’

  ‘Good. You don’t think we overreacted with all the security stuff Dan put in, do you?’

  Hannah shrugged and leaned over to give her sister a kiss before she climbed into her four-wheel drive. ‘It’s that kind of disease, though, isn’t it? Going to sneak up and catch you unawares. And given all the tests she’s had, well, the doctors are sure about their diagnosis.’

  ‘I guess,’ Sophie conceded. ‘It just sucks.’

  ‘That it does. Makes you realise we have to appreciate her while she’s still around, physically and mentally.’

  Hannah headed straight over to Declan’s after she’d visited Sophie. She nibbled on her lip, feeling a little bit guilty that she hadn’t said anything to Sophie about Declan. She hadn’t realised her joy was so evident to anyone else.

  Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to share the reason for her happiness with her family. A barbecue wasn’t such a bad idea. Simple and informal and an outing for Nan and Pop. Nan would love that. Siena would adore Ella, too.

  She pulled the car up out front and Declan came out and greeted her, as he always did. Open-armed and warm-hearted and making her feel more special than she’d ever been made to feel. They talked about her day’s work and how Ella was growing and what was happening in the vineyard while they ate steak and salad. Then they settled in the courtyard with their tea to watch the black cockatoos screeching for their nests while the sunset painted the candlebark gums red.

  Sitting there, with the ever-changing light as their entertainment, the koala grunting and bird calls, and even the way the wind played in the trees, their music, Hannah couldn’t remember a time she’d been happier.

  After her often batshit-crazy days, filled with examinations and injections, surgery and emergencies, there was the promise of calm and serenity and the simple joy of being with a man she could be herself with. Who didn’t ask of her what she couldn’t give.

  She looked over at him as he sat with his elbows resting on his knees, nursing his tea in his hands, while he watched Ella hopping around his feet, busy exploring her world or reaching up to twist around and try to scratch her back with her short arms. He must have sensed her eyes on him, because he turned his head towards her and smiled, his dimples bracketing his gorgeous mouth, and she felt something unfurl inside her chest, something tentative but warm and wonderful. He put down his tea and took her hand in his.

  ‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said, and her whole body went on alert. If he was going to raise the question of when he’d get to meet her family, she was going to get in first.

  ‘Me too,’ she said, jumping in. ‘I think it’s time I let you out of the closet. Maybe we should organise that barbecue, if you still want to, I mean.’

  ‘Oh, Hannah love, that’d be grand.’ He nodded on a sigh, before smiling back at her. ‘You know, I like spending time with you. I like having you here.’ He squeezed her hand and she squeezed back.

  ‘I like being with you, too.’

  He nodded as he lifted her hand to his mouth and pressed his lips to it. ‘That’s what I thought. You’re a very special woman, you know that?’

  God, but the man knew how to make her feel good. ‘Don’t worry, I have my share of shortcomings. You just haven’t known me long enough.’

  It was Declan’s turn to laugh and the joey looked up at the sound.

  ‘What’s so funny?’ she said.

  ‘That’s what they used to call me, back when I was just a little tacker in school. Short Cummins.’

  She sniggered. ‘You are so not short.’

  He laughed with her before he pulled her into his kiss. ‘You know, I came up here because I needed time and space and I needed to be alone. And then you came along and I realised I’d been alone long enough. You fill something in me, Hannah, something that had been empty for a long time.’

  Hannah held her breath, his words sending a sizzle from the inside of her all the way out.

  ‘And while I love you coming around every evening that you can, I’d like to see you more. I’d like to see you coming home—to me.’

  Her heart hammered in her chest. ‘What exactly are you saying?’

  He smiled and slowly shook his head. ‘Something I never thought I’d say to any woman, ever again. I’ve fallen for you, Hannah, and I want to marry you. That is, if you can put up with an old codger like me. Maybe we could make an announcement at that barbecue, and turn it into a real celebration.’

  Whoa. Marriage. Hannah was glad she was sitting down, the concept was so left field. The thought of coming home to Declan every day, to wake up to him every morning was beyond anything she had ever hoped for. But still, her commonsense brain told her to take it slowly. She’d been so careful since university, so cautious to avoid getting herself involved too deeply, only to find it had snuck up on her. She swallowed. ‘This is kind of sudden.’

  He shrugged. ‘Yes and no. It’s something that’s been playing on my mind a while. You don’t have to give me an answer today. Take your time. And meanwhile, let me try to persuade you.’

  A little thrill sizzled in her belly. ‘And just how do you intend to do that?’

  He stood then, took her hands and pulled her against him, his hands kneading her denim-clad butt. ‘Any number of ways,’ he said, his mouth dipping to hers. ‘And I warn you, I’m very persuasive.’

  She smiled under his mouth. ‘I was kind of hoping you’d say that.’

  An hour later Hannah was thoroughly persuaded. He loves me, she thought in wonder, as she panted her way down from the heights he’d taken her. He actually loves me. And a little voice inside her chest told her that she’d been wrong to think this thing between them would blow over anytime soon, because she knew in her heart that she loved him, too.

  But marriage?

  He stirred and pulled her into his embrace and nuzzled against her throat. ‘So, my beautiful Hannah, have I persuaded you yet?’

  ‘Not quite.’ She closed her eyes against the evocative rasp of his whiskers and the heat of his breath against her skin. I love you, she thought, although she was still too afraid to admit it out loud. He was offering her the world, but how could she take it, until she knew for sure that it could work. She swallowed. And there was only one way to find out.

  ‘In that case,’ he said, dipping his head to her nipple, ‘I’ll have to try harder.’

  Hannah’s breath caught at the elec
tric pull of his mouth while her mind was in turmoil, knowing all she had to do was ask. Knowing that she couldn’t.

  Because now there was too much at risk.

  Because a wrong answer would mean the end.

  And Declan’s love was too precious to lose.

  56

  Sophie

  Sophie had always wanted more time to read. Now that she was only allowed to work two and a half days a week, she had it in spades. She had an entire box of books she’d brought from home, and she’d already read a couple of those, but she figured she might as well check out the contents of Nick’s lounge-room library shelves while she was here. She found lots of the classics plus a range of thrillers, crime novels and blockbuster blokey books, plus an entire shelf devoted to Dick Francis novels. She’d never read a Dick Francis. She pulled out the first one, checked out the back-cover blurb and the first page and thought, why the hell not? And started reading.

  She’d taken the book into the kitchen and made herself a sandwich for lunch, sitting at the table eating it, still reading, when Nick came in. He looked hot, sweat sticking his dark hair to his head where his hat had been, and she felt guilty because she had the air conditioner on and it was blissfully cool inside.

  ‘Working hard?’ he said, as he wiped his brow, though he was smiling with it.

  She shrugged. ‘Doctor’s orders. What’s a girl to do?’

  But she felt guiltier when he started fossicking in the fridge and pulling out sandwich fillings, just as he’d done last week on her non-teaching days. It was starting to become an uncomfortable pattern. ‘I should have made you a sandwich,’ she said, the crumbs on her plate staring accusingly up at her.